i’d love to take this opportunity to (re)introduce myself as i’m starting to expand my vision and my community!
my name is Megan Marie and I am a writer, spiritualist, and self-love advocate.
i have been writing for as long as I can remember. a collection of short stories from third grade about my cat adventuring into outer space; and stories from eighth grade surrounding unrequited young love. always a bit shy and reserved; my thoughts and emotions found new and better homes with a pen in my hand.
in my freshman year of high school, at only 15, my life was spun into chaos and upheaval. i was assaulted by a significant other and developed PTSD, severe anxiety, and suicidal depression. i was taken out of school and isolated for most of my formative years leaving me with only my overwhelming grief and my journal.
i began to write moody, tumblr-esque poetry; never sharing them, usually tearing them apart or burning them afterwards. but it was cathartic.
the summer after i graduated high school i began to try to heal.
it had been a long journey. three years of self harm, self loathing, and suicidal ideation. i spent most of this time in doctors offices but the days, weeks, and months blurred together from the cocktail of medication i was being prescribed. but i was ready to take my power back; or at least begin to try.
i had one question that i sought to answer — “Why?”
like most, i dove headfirst into religion.
believing in God or in a God was something that felt very important to me. but my experiences with faith growing up made me question and doubt a lot.
i was not raised strictly religious. both of my parents are Christians but we never frequented a specific church. i spent a handful of summers at church camp with a friend; but as i grew, the lessons they were teaching just led me to more questions.
one of the first moments that shook my faith was the death of my grandpa. i had always been taught that when people die they go to Heaven — if they are Christian. and i knew that he was not. i was left with so many questions; so many worries. there is a vivid memory in my mind’s eye of me sitting at my grandma’s desk after his funeral coloring a picture of my grandpa as an angel; but he was floating just below the stagnant cloud line because he couldn’t get into Heaven. it traumatized me.
as i grew, weekends became more for science fair projects than bible studies. but on those occasions where we did make it to church I always felt out of place. i remember memorizing verses; there was a line i didn’t understand and when i asked what it meant i was told “it doesn’t matter what it means; you just need to be able to quote it.” and this never did feel right to me.
with those instances in mind and an extended family full of zealots, i knew i had to venture away from the path that had been laid for me and begin to forge my own.
i began to explore. i read anything and everything i could get my hands on. from rereading the Bible to studying Hindu deities, astrology, mythology, anything that i could find a sense of meaning in.
i found energy work.
the idea that the body holds different forms and different sources of energy, the way these energies manifest and balance in the body.
energy work clicked for me. if we know that it cannot be created or destroyed then it must go somewhere into the world around us. the transmutation of energy.
this branched into grounding exercises and visualization meditations. i started honing my mind’s eye and tapping into my inherent intuition.
while i was working at a bookstore, i was stocking the shelves and an aisle over a book fell to the ground. it was The Everyday Witch Tarot Deck. the cover shows a young, purple haired witch – my signature color at the time – playing a flute as her feline friend chases the music notes.
i knew she was meant for me.
i developed a relationship with my deck. as i’ve done with each deck since. i studied every detail on every card. i researched the original artwork on the original decks, the stories and mythos behind them. tarot became an integral part of my craft and practice.
over time i started to develop my own sense of spirituality and faith; finding roots in Gaia, Mother Earth, and noticing synchronicities in what i was studying and how it related to my own life.
i was beginning to piece together my own little puzzle in this world after being broken apart for so long.
i had died and i was being reborn.
a cycle that i still, and will continue to, repeat through this one cycle on Gaia.
on my five year anniversary clean from self harm i self published my first poetry collection. this collection was so raw, so rough. poems from old journals, half thoughts from 3am, it was just as messy as i felt at the time.
having this collection out into the world brought back a swell of emotions. this sense of release and catharsis almost became a trigger in itself. but it was what i needed at that time.
for every Tower Moment i have faced, every moment where the entire foundation shakes and falls apart, i have found a way to rise from the ashes.
i have always found ways to clear the dust and rebuild.
i feel as though i’m in a transitional period in my life again; another Tower Moment has taken place, and now i must begin the work to rise again.
but this time i have found what i want to do and be in this lifetime. i have found a purpose.
we all experience these Deaths throughout life. facing them alone was one of the hardest lessons i’ve ever had to learn; in any lifetime. and it is my dream now to give others transitioning through these cycles someone to be on their team and by their side.
i am striving to create a sacred safe space for growth and healing through a blend of mental health and spiritual wellness.
FreeLove Coven is my collective, my community.
my ultimate goal is to host expressive art healing sessions in a live-in community. i want to buy a farm and become self-sustaining. i want to host healing retreats and live classes; one on one and in groups.
i am currently pursuing a degree in psychology with the long term goal being a license in Expressive Arts Therapy. but i still have quite a ways to go.
i am currently living behind my parents house with my partner of six year. the pandemic broke apart any means of stability we had and ripped away our chances at independence.
i am unable to work at this time.
i have had three different jobs since the world “re-opened”. but i was never able to make it work. i would become hysterical before work; sobbing all the way there just to turn around and go home; if i even made it out of the house at all.
my social anxiety was transforming into agoraphobia. the isolation triggered a massive backslide for me in my journey through recovery and healing.
but i’m trying to find ways to make a living working for myself.
i currently offer spiritual services like tarot readings and spellwork, energy healing, custom poetry here and there, the occasional art piece.
but my goal is to open my own little brick and mortar space for energetic healing and spiritual services. which can then be enlarged to the farm i have envisioned after a period of success and growth.
step one in this journey, though, is to be financially independent enough to have my own living space. we’re beginning to look for an apartment.
i truly believe that once i’m given the proper space to grow and flourish i’ll be able to make my goals come to fruition. i just need the space.
but i’m starting here, now, messy and not well versed.
i’m recording videos with guided art healing lessons and expanding my services to live sessions through zoom.
i’m starting small; but i’m starting. i’m picking the pieces back up and beginning to begin again.
i thank you for being here. for taking the time to read through this section of my story.
i hope you enjoy reading my poetry, my spiritual and personal essays, and viewing my art.
i can’t wait to bloom with all of you.